Exploring the Push-Pull Method for Flirting
Take new encounters from awkward to meaningful with the Push-Pull Method. Find out more about the flirting technique that could change your dating life.
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The Push-Pull Method offers a flirting technique that “pulls” in the object of interest while releasing tension through a “push”. Pull with a compliment, push the tension with a joke or anti-compliment. Let’s discuss how the flirting technique keeps the conversation going.
What Is the Push-Pull Method?
The Push-Pull Method is a flirting technique. It encourages suitors to pull in someone they spot and like with a compliment, and then push away the tension created by the praise with a joke or push back on the compliment. Instincts drive individuals toward complimenting others to attract their attention, especially if it’s their first time speaking to them. That’s OK; just know when to stop.
People enjoy compliments, but too many from strangers make them uncomfortable. Even too many compliments from someone they know but aren’t dating can create awkward situations. Therefore, the push-pull method deflates the tension with a joke or line that lets the praise breathe.
Example: “That’s a great pair of jeans” - pull.
“Will they still fit after Thanksgiving dinner?” - push.
The compliment grabs the individual’s attention, and the anti-compliment grabs it more as they decide how they feel about it.
What Is the Origin of the Push-Pull Method?
Let’s explore the origin of the Push-Pull Method.
There is no exact origin for the push-pull method. However, it has evolved to help men flirt better with women. So men use it more proactively. Men don’t receive lessons on how to flirt. Most fly by the seat of their pants when trying to land dates, relationships, and attention from the opposite sex.
On the other hand, women have already mastered the method without taking lessons (Mean Girls, anyone?) and men keep coming back.
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Example: She might say: “Great shirt” - pull.
“Too bad those shirts aren’t making a comeback” - push.
That doesn’t mean that guys should lean into their inner Mean Girls. Instead, explore how to balance the push and pull to extend the conversation.
How to Employ the Push Pull Method
The push-pull method can start with a dirty pick line, like “How do I get into those pants?” or “Let only latex come between us.” Either line will grab her attention, but she might freeze, scoff, or discover the urge to toss her drink in his face. Before she reacts negatively to the attention, deflate the tension with another line, such as “I didn’t mean to come on too strong. I just needed you to notice me in this crowd of competition.”
So, push away the tension by being honest instead of piling on more compliments or bad pick up lines. Why? Because the strategy has created a connection that disarms her, her guard is down, and so are her walls. Now, she’s more receptive to having a conversation; a conversation that the suitor must lead.
Push-pull can also take a different direction.
Example: “That’s a great view” - pull.
“I know it because you’re sitting in my spot” - push.
Some call the latter balancing interest with disinterest. We call it giving a compliment and anti-compliment.
Here are the steps to employ the method:
1. Make Eye Contact
Encounters can start from across the room, bar, or table, so start by making eye contact.
Example: Catch her gaze and hold it for a second. Then, wink.
She might wink back or smile, or both.
2. Use a Pull
After establishing eye contact, walk to her. When you reach her, use a pull.
Example: “I noticed your beautiful eyes from across the room.”
Give her a second to take in the compliment.
3. Use a Push
Now counter the compliment with a push.
Example: “I was trying to get this dust out of my eye, and I saw you.”
The push counters the compliment. This one might be a bit savage — and pulled off with some rizz.
4. Use Body Language
Lean toward her to test the waters.
Example: “Here’s a closer look at my eye. Do you see the dust?”
Even if she knows that there is no dust in the eye, she might play along.
5. Alternate Between Pull and Push
Now alternate between pull and push comments.
Example: “You smell great. [pause] I think my mom wears the same perfume."
The goal of the back-and-forth between compliments and anti-compliments is to disarm her so she wants to keep talking. Ideally, she’ll let go of the anti-compliments because she’s enjoying herself.
6. Drive the Conversation
When things go well, the pulling and pushing create a comfort zone for her. She’s ready to continue chatting and see where things will go next.
Example: “How about we find a quieter spot to talk? I saw an empty table over there.”
The suitor has put themselves in the driver's seat - stay there by driving the conversation.
7. Set a Time Constraint
Next, set a time constraint.
Example: “I could chat with you here forever, but I only have an hour.”
The goal is to create a sense of scarcity to increase desire.
8. Set a Trade-Off
Lastly, before the chat, evening, or informal date comes to an end, set the ground for a date.
Example: “I’ll give you my number, but you can only call me once a day.”
Example: “You can visit my place, but you can’t start stalking me.”
If things go well, don’t leave the next time you’ll see her to chance. Stay in the driver’s seat and set up the plans.
Tips for Employing the Push-Pull Method
Now that the sequence of events is established, here are some tips for employing the push-pull method.
Use a Pick Up Line
Pick up lines work, but have bad reputations. The lines work because even the bad ones solicit giggles and laughter. For example, “Did it hurt when you fell out of the sky?” or “Are you a parking ticket?”
Use pick up lines as an advantage; even dad jokes will work.
There isn’t a shortage of pick up lines. Some options include:
It’s also worth exploring Worst pick up lines of all time
Do you suspect you're using "not-good-enough" pickup lines? Well, let's inspect your profile for you!
Examples:
“I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?"
"Do you have a magic wand? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears." [Harry Potter]
“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”
“Are you a beaver? because daaaam.” [Cheesy]
“Are you a banana? because I find you a-peeling.”
Some guys perform well under pressure, but the majority freeze or can’t come up with the right words. Therefore, pre-plan.
Pre-Plan the Approach
Imagine meeting the perfect woman at the next event on Friday night. Maybe chance is in the air, and she shows up at the local coffee shop as you pick up your daily order. When fate stares at you in the face, will you step up and meet it?
It’s OK to practice what to say in those moments, and it’s a good idea to practice winging it too. Put some conversation starters in the back pocket, and also put some pick lines in there.
Build Confidence
Gals and guys feel butterflies in their stomachs when in the presence of their crushes or potential mates. But, for guys making the first move, it’s essential to get the butterflies under control.
Once a man engages his interest, she expects him to keep leading the conversation - build confidence.
Russell Brand Employs the Push-Pull Method
Notorious womanizer Russell Brand employs the push-pull method without knowing it. He confidently compliments - the pull. Then, Brand adds a quip to counter the compliment - the push. He has confidence even though he didn’t pre-plan his moves.
Let’s look at another approach - Craig Ferguson.
Craig Ferguson Employs the Push-Pull Method
Comedian, actor, and talk show host Craig Ferguson also employs the flirting technique. He is not immune to beauty, and he lets his beautiful guests know it.
In one instance, Ferguson compliments his guest - the pull. She accepts the compliment and immediately flirts back. Then, Ferguson cracks a joke that undermines the compliment and flirting since he’s not trying to pick her up. At the same time, he can’t help himself.
Two approaches to the same method work, and it doesn’t just work for men with status - the method can work for everyone.
When Flirting Goes Wrong
No guide to flirting exists, so some guys have used the push-pull method incorrectly, leading to disastrous results.
Instead of starting with a compliment, some men start encounters with an insult. The intent is to break her down and disarm her. In theory, the strategy has some merit, but in practice, it doesn’t work more often than it does.
The push-pull method seeks to right the wrong and help men achieve their dating goals.
Why Can Push-Pull Work?
It’s well-established that women enjoy receiving compliments; they also enjoy laughing. So, the push-pull method works because it combines compliments and anti-compliments with laughter.
The compliment, or pull, opens her up to speaking with suitors, namely strangers. The joke breaks or makes a push against the tension and keeps the conversation going. When opportunities to talk with a person of interest present themselves, nail it.
Drive the Conversation
Whether or not there are plenty of fish in the sea or dating pool depends on perspective and age group. Although some see it as an antiquated belief, 40% of respondents to a survey stated that relationships work best when the male takes the lead. In addition, 47% of GenZ respondents believe it.
After employing the push-pull method, stay in control of the moment and drive the conversation. The suitor successfully shot his shot, and now she’s open to finding out what comes next.
Conclusion
Mastering the Push-Pull Method might take practice. Nonetheless, it’s a strategy that acts as a roadmap for more successful encounters.
Now that you know more about one flirting technique, it’s time to meet someone new. Already meeting people through dating apps? Improve the chances of meeting others by improving your profile using Profile Writer.
