You got her number ... what now? [Texting Guide]

Hi, Jennifer! Wait…what should I say now?

Texting. We all do it, constantly, multiple times a day, without thinking anything of it. But suddenly, when it comes to texting a romantic interest, it becomes impossible. The stakes are high, and every word matters. Here is your fail safe guide, written by a dating expert, matchmaker & dating coach, to texting that cutie you met earlier, and nailing the text-to-date conversion.

Step 1: The Opening Salvo

Okay. You’ve gotten their number. Now what? Remember, like with cooking, you have to act when the food is hot. You can’t just wait and let it cool down and the interest fades away. Once you’ve gotten the number, don’t want more than one to two days before texting. Ideally, you’re sending that first text within six hours of initial contact, and no more than two days after. The best way to craft the introductory text is the following formula: 

Hi, NAME. It’s NAME — I’m the guy INSIDE JOKE who got your number earlier, QUESTION.

Always address the person by name, but then distinguish yourself by inserting an inside joke. Finally, close with a question to hook them into replying. Let’s say you got her number by approaching her in the grocery store.

Hi, Stephanie. It’s Mike, the guy with mad respect for produce at the Trader Joe’s. Did you make it out of that insane parking lot in one piece?

Hi, Stephanie. It’s Mike, the guy who was lost in the grocery store at the Trader Joe’s. Did you find the cashier’s station okay? I was going in circles for hours.

Hi, Stephanie. It’s Mike, the guy who was really examining the strawberries at the Trader Joe’s. Did you find the fruit you were looking for? So many options in there

Here’s another example of the same formula: 

Hi Lydia, this is Paul from the grocery store. Did you try any of those samples? I was nibbling cheese for HOURS

Hi Lydia, this is Paul from the grocery store. Did you complete your shopping with grace & agility in the maze of the frozen food aisle?

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Step 2: Bantering

Bantering does not come easy to everyone. The key to good banter is to keep it light, and always direct the attention away from yourself. People love attention, and the best way to give someone attention is to ask them questions in a fun and playful way. 

Here’s a sample of a conversation. Let’s say you met someone at a birthday party.

Hey Steph, this is Jason from the bday party! Did you make it home alright or did you get stuck in the DJ’s vortex?

Hi Jason! I did manage to get home though the dance floor was powerful

This is sometimes where conversations hit a dead end. You’ve sent the first text with the formula, but how do you keep it going? The key is always to ask a question or direct the attention onto her. 

You seem like someone who knows a good dance floor when you see one

You were the life of that dance floor idk how you pulled yourself away

Were you bopping the whole car ride home? I immediately had to play 2000s throwbacks

If you’re texting immediately after the event, it’s okay to stop the convo and return to it later. Remember the same formula of a joke & a question to keep it going. Compliments are also good. But remember: it’s time to move things along. Try to not send more than four to six texts before trying to set a date. Remember, the goal is not texting. The goal is DATING. These are two very different things. Don’t confine the relationship to texting, take it to the streets. You can ask questions like where are you from / how long have you lived here / what do you do for work, but this is not as effective as keeping it light and playful. You can get to know each other in person, don’t waste small talk over text. 

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Step 3: Transitioning to a data

Okay. You’ve gotten their number, laid the groundwork, and begun to banter. Now we have to transition. Two notes here: one, you should always have an arsenal of dates in your back pocket. Make sure to have standard dates that you know you can rely on, so you don’t get stuck in the planning phase and bogged down by anxiety over what to do on the date. If you know your go-to date, get ready to ask her out. 

The best way to transition is to be SPECIFIC and lead with a plan. People love concrete plans rather than wishy-washy half-baked ideas. Be decisive. Be direct. Here are some examples:

Let’s take this convo to the streets. Wanna go for a walk on Tuesday and discuss our top five songs of all time?

I gotta jump, but are you free this week? I’ve been dying to try out the new bar on 8th street, wanna join me on Thursday? 

Speaking of produce, there’s a sweet farmers market in Brentwood with unreal berries. Wanna go there on Saturday morn and grab a bite?

It doesn’t have to be super clever, but focus on something concrete. People can always counter by saying they aren’t free, but a good way to gage interest is if they propose a counter plan, such as:

That sounds so fun — I’m not free Sat, but are you free Sun?

That is an example of continued interest. If they reply something like: 

That sounds so fun — I’m not free Saturday though

This likely means they’re not interested in meeting up in real life. You can try again by asking if another day works for them, but a key to the text-to-date conversion is if they suggest dates or times to keep things moving along.

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Conclusion

The keys to texting and text-to-date conversion are fairly simple. Keep it light, keep the attention on them, and create concrete plans relatively quickly. Remember to joke when possible, especially about something you have in common, and ask them questions. The questions should be fun and not in the small talk category. You can cover those bases in person. Texts are short and sweet and surface level. Banter should be fast and quick. Notice how:

Where are you from?

And:

Quick top five TV shows go 

Are very different texts. One of those starts a deeper conversation that would be better in person, one is surface level fluff. Here’s another example: 

Did you grow up around here?

Or:

Okay I’m gonna guess where you’re from, ready?

These are two sides of the same coin. One is boring, one creates quick banter that she can engage in. It also directs the attention onto her in a fun way that creates opportunities for flirting and teasing. 

As you begin to text, remember that texting is not dating. Texting is laying groundwork for dating. Use it to set yourself up for success and keep the flames alive, and then use it to get off the phone and into the real world on real life dates. 

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