Should you be paying on the first date? (Expert advice for men)

TLDR:

• Who pays on a first date is more about setting the right tone than the money itself. Society has clear expectations, and knowing them can help you make a good impression.
• If the guy pays, it shows generosity and can make a positive impact, especially in traditional dating scenarios. It’s a good move if you want to increase your chances of a second date.
• Splitting the bill promotes equality and keeps things neutral, which works well for casual dates. Letting the girl pay can be refreshing and empowering, especially if she insists or suggests the venue.

First up - getting to a first date is hard so great job! Talking about who pays on a first date might seem like a minor detail, but it really means a lot in the world of dating. It's not just about the money; it's about what the gesture says. Society has set up some pretty clear expectations around dating, and knowing them can help you navigate the scene better.

Some people believe that the guy should always pay, others think splitting the bill is the way to go, and some even think the girl should pick up the check sometimes.

Each approach has its own reasons and the best situations to use them.

By understanding these different viewpoints, you can make better choices and create a good impression on your first date. Let's break down these three main ideas to see what might work best for you.

The Traditional Approach – The Guy Pays

The traditional approach suggests that the guy should pay on the first date. This method is often rooted in longstanding societal norms. 

Why you should follow this approach

One strong reason for this approach is that it demonstrates generosity and financial stability. By picking up the tab, you show that you are capable and willing to take care of expenses, which can be reassuring.

Additionally, paying for the date can create a positive first impression. It’s a gesture that communicates kindness and attentiveness, qualities that are generally appreciated.

Lastly, it reflects respect and chivalry, which still hold value in many dating scenarios. This approach aligns with the gentlemanly conduct of treating a date with special care and consideration.

When This Approach Works Best

This approach works best in traditional or conservative dating scenarios. For instance, if you know that your date appreciates old-fashioned courtesies, covering the bill can be a meaningful gesture. It's also effective when you want to increase the chances of a second date.

Paying can leave a lasting positive impression that may encourage your date to want to see you again. Another situation where this works well is when the date involves activities or venues typically associated with male payment. For example, fine dining restaurants or events where there is a clear expectation that the guy will pay. 

In essence, paying on the first date can communicate that you are serious and considerate, setting a respectful tone for the relationship right from the start. While it’s important to consider individual preferences, this approach remains a solid option for those who want to make a traditional yet impactful gesture.

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The Modern Approach – Splitting the Bill 50-50

Splitting the bill 50-50 is a more contemporary approach that many people find appealing. This method emphasizes equality and can make the entire dating experience feel more balanced.

Why you should follow this approach?

One main reason to split the bill is that it promotes equality and financial independence.

By sharing the cost, both parties demonstrate that they are equals and capable of handling their own expenses. This can help in avoiding any potential power dynamics or expectations that might arise from one person paying for everything. Additionally, it simplifies future financial interactions.

If you continue dating, having established a habit of splitting costs can make things more straightforward and fair. 

When This Approach Works Best

This approach works best when both parties express a preference for equality. For instance, if during your conversation, you both mention valuing fairness and shared responsibilities, splitting the bill aligns well with those views. It’s also suitable for casual or low-key dates.

If you’re meeting at a coffee shop or a casual restaurant, sharing the cost can feel more natural and less formal. Especially if you're being flirtatious.

Another situation is when you're uncertain about a second date and want to keep things neutral. By splitting the bill, you avoid any unspoken obligations or discomfort, making it easier to stay friends if the romantic connection isn’t there.

Choosing to split the bill 50-50 can make the date less about financial gestures and more about getting to know each other as equals. It’s a practical and respectful way to approach the first date, especially if equality and independence are important to both of you.

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The Progressive Approach – The Girl Pays

The progressive approach, where the girl pays, challenges traditional gender roles and can be a refreshing change in the dating landscape.

Why you should follow this approach?

One reason to follow this approach is that it subverts traditional gender roles. In a society where gender equality is increasingly emphasized, having the girl pay can be a powerful statement of modern values.

It can also be a gesture of mutual respect and a willingness to share responsibilities. When the girl offers to cover the bill, it shows that she values equality and is comfortable taking the lead in certain situations.

Additionally, this approach can be seen as a refreshing gesture of modern equality. It breaks the mold and can set a tone for a relationship based on mutual respect and partnership.

When This Approach Works Best

This approach works best when the girl insists on paying. If your date is adamant about covering the bill, respecting her wishes can show that you are open-minded and considerate.

It’s also suitable in progressive or non-traditional dating scenarios. If both of you have discussed and agreed upon more modern principles, having the girl pay fits well with your shared values.

Another situation where this approach works well is if the girl has significantly higher income or suggests the venue. If she chooses an expensive restaurant or an activity that is beyond your budget, allowing her to pay can avoid any financial strain while still enjoying a great time together.

In essence, letting the girl pay on the first date can be a meaningful way to show that you support and respect her independence and choices. It’s about creating a balanced and equitable dynamic, where both parties feel valued and respected.

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Conclusion

From the 3 approaches we talked about above on who should pay on a first date is more about the signal you're sending by doing so vs. the financial impact on your life. If you're interested in seeing the other person again, we recommend that you pay for the date and follow it up with - "You can pay for the icecream."

This makes sure that the other person knows that they have to pay next and guarantees a second date.

Dating is a numbers game. As you date more and more, you'll learn about what others like and most importantly what you like. YourMove's AI profile review can help you figure out if you're putting your best foot forward. Try it!